What becomes of the broken hearted?

My husband and I have FOUR funerals this month. I am buying Sympathy cards in bulk.

My heart physically hurts, but at least I’m not depressed. I have to allow myself to move a little more slowly through the day–and maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

There are many scriptures about HEALING for the Broken Hearted, which I have written in my journal downstairs. I hope to post about that next time, whenever that may be.

For now, I have to accept that fact that the pain is there, and it’s okay to talk to God about the pain that is there. David did it all throughout the Psalms.

In this microwave society, we want instant results. But life rarely gives us instant anything. (Sometimes, but rarely!)

Maybe I will have a deeper healing if I sit with the pain a while, and accept it and process it, and then receive my healing?

 

 

Today’s Miracle

RoseI was going to the gym. Really. I was. I got into the car, and tried to start it, but it turned over a few times and then clicked at me. I stopped and asked God for a miracle. Of course, I was hoping that it would be a Supernatural Jump-Start for the battery. As usual, God had other plans.

I didn’t panic. I was still in the driveway, so it wasn’t like I was stranded on the side of the road. I then realized that although i have AAA coverage I also have coverage from the Honda dealer. This is the one that I called. While I waited for the Truck to come, I continued praying. I felt that God wanted me to tell this guy that God cares about him, that he’s been asking, and yes, God really does care. I grabbed one of my Gospel of John books, and prayed over it.

Within about 20 minutes, the Truck showed up. The young man got out of the truck, carrying his battery charger. I explained that I was quite embarrassed, as I grew up in a garage, and should know better and one of my lights had been left on overnight accidentally. He said, he’d done the same thing, so don’t feel bad.

He was getting ready to leave, and I told him, “Here, this is for you. God told me to give it to you. He cares about you. He really does. You’ve been wondering if he cares, and he does.”

He then explained that his girlfriend is pregnant, but she won’t stop drinking and doing drugs. He told me her name, and I promised to pray for her. His phone was ringing and he was already late for two other appointments.

So beam up a prayer for this young man,his girlfriend and baby.

The battery did not supernaturally start, but God sent a young man to me so that I could tell him God loves him. And that’s the greatest miracle of all.

 

 

 

Would you like whipped cream with that?

onionsA few posts back, I wrote about “Stop your sobbing.” Sometimes tears are not the answer.

Sometimes tears are the answer.

As it says in Ecclesiastes 3:4:

A time to weep,
    And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
    And a time to dance;

There are times to cry and mourn.

I taught myself a long time ago how to hold back tears. It was a self-defense mechanism on many levels. I thought that if they don’t see me cry, they couldn’t know how deeply they hurt me.

But instead, I buried the feelings inside and pushed them down with food.

Last week, I attended a funeral for my uncle. Afterwards, the family went to a restaurant for food and visiting. Meanwhile, my son called me to tell me his car had gotten towed. I spent the next hour on the phone back-and-forth with him, the Tow Truck company, and with the bank, trying to “wire” the money to the city he lives in. I missed out on an hour of visiting with the family. I gulped down my Cobb Salad, and felt full.  When ‘everyone’ was having dessert of Rice Pudding and Whipped Cream, I passed. I wasn’t hungry, and as you know (!) I’m trying to reduce. I finally got the finances settled, gulped down my tea and it was time to leave.

Since that day, I have been craving Rice Pudding and Whipped Cream. It’s been a compulsion. I stopped myself from buying it during several trips to the grocery store this week. Finally yesterday I cooked rice for supper, and made enough extra so that I could make home-made Rice Pudding. It didn’t taste quite as good as I hoped, and it didn’t quench the craving either.

When I had my prayer and journal time this morning, it finally hit me (duh) that it was not so much the Rice Pudding I wanted as the family time that I had missed out on. The first step to solving a problem is to recognize it exists, right?

My cousin died on Sunday after a heroic battle with cancer, and although we will be attending a service for his mom on Friday (yes, they died 3 weeks apart!) there are no immediate plans to have a wake or funeral for him. I decided I needed to let myself cry. I had read a book which suggested cutting up onions to get the tear ducts moving, and I have done that in the past to get the crying started. Today I cut up FOUR onions, inhaled them until my nose burned, but I only shed a few tears. It didn’t work so great today.

We are having a service for his mom on Friday (they already had a funeral mass in Florida) and most of the family will be there for that. I will warn my son ahead of time that I am turning off my phone, that this is ME time that I need.

(Yes, my Uncle John has lost a brother, his wife and his son–all within a two month period of time.)

I know this post will not win any awards, and it might not even make any sense. But if you’re still reading, thanks for letting me vent and try to process all this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And so we walked out of the movie…** spoiler alerts are in effect **

clockThis winter has kept us indoors more than normal, so Hubby and I decided that we wanted to go out to the movies. He picked the new Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, “Sabotage.”  After paying outrages prices for the movie tickets and $13 for popcorn and water (!) we picked our seats, and hoped we would not be disturbed by cell phones.  (We can hope, right?)

The opening scene of the movie showed a woman being tortured and then flashed to an older man in an armchair, who was watching this on the tv. I thought maybe he would pay the ransom, she would be rescued, and the good guy would win.

That’s not how the movie went.

Arnold and Gang set out to steal $10 million, with all kinds of weapons, while doling out F-bombs more often than actual conversation. There was shooting, murder of one of their gang, murder of some other guys, and more stealing.  Then Arnold announced they were “Doing God’s work” and the scene flashed to a stripper bar where one of the gang toasted their dead buddy “For dying for our sins.”

Really?

That was all I could take. After a total bombardment against my spirit, I whispered to my husband, “I can’t stay here, I’ll meet you out in the mall.”  The thought entered my head to ask the ticket man “what is the policy for refunds?”, but I was still shell-shocked that a movie could be so raw and blasphemous and only rated “R.”

Hubby was 2 minutes behind me. (He had to balance the still-full bag of popcorn and water while finding the steps in the dark.)

We must truly be in the End Times. When all this sin and corruption is entertainment, society has really arrived at a dangerous place.  It’s ok to make light of the HUGE price that Jesus paid for us on the cross, when HE died for our sins, because it’s Open Season on Christians.

I actually felt sorry for Arnold. Here is an aging gazillionaire, still trying to make more money before his time runs out. What about eternity, Arnold? Have you had time to think about that?

And so we walked out of the movie, and went back home. A friend of mine told me about Dove.com which gives reviews of movies so we can make a better selection next time.

And by the way– I’ve been told: DON’T go see Noah. It is not based on the bible story, but has been re-written by an atheist and is about Global Warming causing the flood (instead of man’s sin), and Noah is set on killing off his family (instead of protecting them).

Maybe there isn’t going to be much spare time to watch movies anyway, as the Hands on the Clock of Time have moved ahead a few minutes more, and we need to get the Harvest in. Quickly.

 

 

 

 

 

Food. Again. It’s. Food. Again.

TasteAs I begin another chapter in the continuing saga of my battle with the food idol, something Jesus said caught my eye:

“My Food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to finish His work.”  –John 4: 34

Huh? Food, nourishment, comes from God? Doing His will? This is food?

Okay, we know that Jesus ate actual food; we know about the Passover Supper, and the fish and the loaves, etc.

If I ask myself, “What really makes me want to get out of bed in the morning?”

“Coffee” I heard someone say.

Ha!

Doing the will of God is what drove Jesus to stand strong against the authorities that fought against Him. It was His Food.

Food gives us energy and strength. And it tastes good. There’s even a scripture for that:

“Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good.” -Psalm 34:8

Sometimes before I have to make a phone call that I dread, or go deal with a Customer Service department, I grab a sugary snack to give me quick energy. But that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. I’m supposed to trust God. Or else what is “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” for?

So now I am mediating on “God’s Will as Food.”

And so goes another chapter in the continuing Saga.

 

 

 

 

The Great Wallpaper Removal Project

IMG_2565Some of you may have noticed that I haven’t been posting lately. I guess it’s time for a “Brain Dump” of the events swirling around in my world. It will feel good to let it out anyway.

So I began the Great Wallpaper Removal Project, which always takes longer than you first estimate. I got the paper off easily enough with the water and vinegar method, a spray bottle, and of course the little scoring tool that I bought at Lowe’s.

So I’m down to the bare “walls” but now I am using the steamer to loosen the glue, and then go over the walls again with the water and vinegar on a paper towel, and at times use the spatula to scrape.

Meanwhile, my husband gave me a good scare a few weeks back. He had chest pains and spent 5 days in the hospital. After numerous tests, he was released. The next day he had chest pains again. Long story short, he’s on medicine, and as long as he takes his meds, he should be fine.

So I got back to my wallpaper project, scraping away at old glue. I started having odd dreams, which I confided in my prayer partner. We figured that the project is paralleling a healing process going on in my own life. You know, old stuff that needs to be scraped away, things that are “hidden” behind the chair rail that need to be pulled out. Things that need to be forgiven, and others that need to be forgotten.

Then my uncle, my mother’s brother passed away from lung cancer last month.

My aunt passed away two days ago.

A cousin of mine is in the hospital with stomach cancer.

But my son made me proud by attending an Evangelism conference two weeks ago.

And although the calendar says it should be Spring, it’s snowing. BUT I am extremely thankful that I have a warm winter coat, and I live in a house with heat and hot water! Things could be worse.

I am thankful for my Bible Study friends that meet on Friday mornings and give me a boost whenever I see them.

I am well past my one-month “guesstimate” of how long the wallpaper removal was going to take. Life gets in the way of our plans. Always. I’m thankful that I have OTHER rooms to sit in, and that we have walls at all.

How many people in the world would be happy for my problem of ugly walls?!

I am blessed.

Incidents and Coincidence

IMG_2281I have a plastic jar that I keep spare change in. After a while, I cash it in and donate it to the Widows and Orphans in Uganda. This month, however, my son is on an Evangelical Training trip, and I needed to send the money to him.

You know when “something is telling you to do something”? Well, that happened yesterday. I was minding my own business, and I kept getting the impression that I needed to go to the bank, put the change into the machine and get the cash to send to my son.

I pulled into the parking lot of the bank and was getting the rest of the change together (what fell between the seats, on the floor, c’mon you know your car looks like that too) and a car pulled up next to me. I looked up and saw my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law. I went inside the bank and got my change converted to dollars, and my in-laws took care of their banking business. We decided that a Coffee Break was in order.

While we were at the Coffee Shop, I texted my husband to tell him that I was out with his mom and sister. He texted back, that he had just heard from another sibling, who got a message for his Mom to call a doctor to set up an appointment. This other sibling also said she needed info from their Mom, and could I please text that back to her for tax preparation? So we took care of that too.

So by me being in a certain place at a certain time, and other people being in a certain place at a certain time, everything was orchestrated so that the errands that needed to be done were all taken care of.

Some people call this coincidence.

But I don’t believe the world just randomly rotates on its axis and I don’t believe that we all evolved out of nothing.

I call this a God-incident. It was too perfectly orchestrated to just randomly happen.

And a coffee break is usually a good thing too.