My Life as a Robot

Living on Autopilot…This is the phase I go into when a loved one dies….. or the pain I felt after a breakup is too much to endure…or the abuse of childhood was too much. I have an Override switch that kicks me into autopilot.

There is a feeling of incredible numbness in my mind and heart. I feel as if I am walking in a fog. I can’t make big decisions, and small ones are made for me by the robot-powers that I possess.

Until the pain is back down to a level where I can function, this is how I go through my day. Just a machine passing through the humanity that surrounds me. One downside of this fog, is that is also takes away my self-confidence. You must have a self in order to have self-confidence.  My self is hidden underneath the machinery that guides me through another day.

I have lived in the world of autopilot for years at a time, during childhood, during adolescence, during adulthood. Usually brought on by a bad breakup or a death of a loved one, it is also brought on by a betrayal of a loved one.

I have not been here in a long time, and for that I am grateful. But since I am here now, in the world of the robot, I will need to write as much as possible, to gather the thoughts and feelings of my youth and teenage years, so that I can remember.

I am hoping that by putting the words down on paper and the screen that somehow it will heal the part of me that is still (barely) human.

Advertisements

Comments, questions, concerns, queries, quips?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s