Whirlpool, Grapes and Lifeguards

Barcelona's bodyguard
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well I couldn’t just name it “Random Randomness Part 100″ could I?

Anyway, I went to the Gym today, and got into the nice hot whirlpool slash hot tub. I was reading through the instructions posted on the wall.

1. Must be over 19 years of age. Check. Check. and Check. Hmm only 2 checks actually: 19 x 3 = 57, I’m not quite that old, but close.

2. Wait an hour after eating, as digestion needs blood to the stomach, and the heat of the water brings blood to the skin surface. (OK a poor paraphrase, but I got stuck in a brain loop thinking about eating too much, keeping the stomach busy digesting, using up the blood and keeping the stomach busy, and I ate oatmeal only 30 minutes ago….)

3. Do NOT use alone. Make sure there is another adult present. So here’s where I go off  on another tangent. I was sitting in the hot tub alone, and looked over at the Lifeguard at the Pool. She’s packing an extra 50 pounds ( I can say that because I am too) and eating a bagel with cream cheese at the side of the pool, leaning against the lifeguard chair, holding the floating device loosely with the other hand. Yikes! What if she had to come save me? Would she put the bagel down first? Would she spit or swallow? Could she move fast enough to get over to me with the floating device, or would it slip out of her hands due to too much cream cheese slipperyness?

I decided it was time to get out of the whirlpool slash hot tub and get into the pool. Of course, I limped slowly to the pool (the foot is still acting up) and slowly descended the pool steps. I stayed in the shallow end for a few minutes until I adjusted to the cooler water.

I doggie paddled around for a bit, and did a lame breast stroke kind of thing.

I then saw that a new lifeguard had taken over the post. Now this guy was thinner, but he looked extremely hung over, “bed head” hair flying everywhere, and was clenching his styrofoam coffee cup as if it were his life support system. Ok, so I look just like that first thing in the morning, but I’m not guarding anyone’s life!

In other news, my husband bought a bag of grapes yesterday with a disclaimer. Again, paraphrasing: “By purchasing these grapes, you are entering into a contract that you will not use the seeds to reproduce the grapes.” Yikes. First of all, they were SEEDLESS grapes, and second of all, Aren’t the grape pits MINE after I purchase grapes? The seeds are added to the total weight when I buy them… Or should we return the grape seeds and get our money back? hmm.

Random Randomness part 101…..hopefully tomorrow.

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