Although when I was in the midst of vomiting, I did say “Jesus please help me”, once I was stabilized and realized I was in for a journey, I fell back into my old routine, mistakes and all.
This is how I did it.
- Fear. I let fear get ahold of me. What if I never get healed? What if this is forever?
- I thought God must be mad at me. (Yes, I even fell for this one.) I must have done something wrong, I’m not good enough, etc.
- I got mad at God. I’ve told many friends over the years, “It’s ok to be mad at God, He can handle it.” And indeed He can. But I need to remember Joseph’s words: God meant it for good.
- I tried to distract myself from the problem. Instead of pushing into praying and bible reading, I went to food, watching tv, sleeping, whatever. If I ignore the problem, it will go away, right?!
- I started getting depressed. Shocking, right?! Looking at my problem instead if my solution.
- I asked people to pray for me. This should probably be sooner on the list…
- I started to see things getting better. Friends volunteered to drive me places. I was able to take a short walk.
- I thanked God for helping in the midst of this mess.
- I started praying more directly and asking God for help.
- I finally spent quality time in the bible.
Yesterday, the above scripture was sent to me via Verse of the Day. Like a tap on the shoulder, I saw it in a new way. “For whoever would draw near to God”– well I wasn’t doing that. I was keeping God at a distance. “Must believe that He exists” — do I or do I not believe?! “He rewards those who seek Him.” — I was lukewarm-ly seeking. So why should I expect a reward?!
So I will file this away, and when the next storm comes, hopefully I will handle it better.