Anyone who watches “24” knows that no one ever takes a bathroom break, eats, or drinks anything. Once in a while, someone will sleep, but this is usually just an after effect of being tortured, shot or poisoned. (If someone does actually go to the restroom, it’s usually because they have a secret phone call to make.)
[Actually, someone this season did use the restroom, but he didn’t leave alive….]
I started this blog two years ago so that I could find my “voice.” I had so many thoughts rattling around in my brain and I was unable to speak most of them out loud, so I started writing. My first reader was my cousin Michael. He was a great encouragement to me to keep writing. He has since passed away, but I sometimes picture him reading my stories from heaven.
As I look back over my posts, I’m surprised at what I see. Eclectic is one word that comes to mind.
I am a Christian, and although I won’t beat you over the head with a Bible, I will pray for you behind your back. Many of my posts focus on my faith in Jesus, and how I attempt to incorporate the reality of God into my life with a teaspoon of wisdom.
My voice started out like a toddler spitting out words, and some posts made no sense to anyone but me—and my cousin. Some days I was depressed but tried to wrap words around the depression and put it out there, using my blog as an inexpensive therapist. Sometimes I would learn a truth from the Bible that worked out a problem in my life, and I wrote a blog about it to share with others. Strangely enough, other readers found me and began following my blog, and leaving comments. Other people felt what I felt. I didn’t feel so alone anymore with all these thoughts and feelings that I had never processed while I was growing up.
The miraculous occurred when one of my blogs was chosen for “Freshly Pressed,” the Holy Grail of WordPress. I gained a lot of followers that day. The post was about my lifelong battle with weight loss and weight gain. Apparently I’m not the only person on the planet who struggles with this.
I have started writing a novel which is loosely based on my childhood, and I wonder if my voice is coming through. I wonder if I even have a voice, or am I just chicken-scratching a bunch of scribble that will not make sense to any other human? But I press on, because it’s good therapy. Also because I have a gravatar instead of a photo, so if a reader saw me walking down the street, they would not know it.
So behind the icon of the young girl talking on an old telephone lurks a middle-aged woman who is still trying to learn to speak.
Many times I have come to a place and have not been sure if I’m on the right path. But there is a song that God uses to guide me on, and I came across it today. The title is “There is power in the blood.”
To me, it’s a sign that I’m on the right path, and to keep going.
So last night I had a strange dream that I had to fight with a giant, and I had to use God’s power to overcome the giant. I ultimately won. But then, strangely enough, a dog came into the room and pooped all over the floor. I then suddenly found myself in need of a restroom for the same reason.
When I woke up, I decided to write down this dream because it was so vivid. I didn’t expect that it would make sense. Then I noticed this quote was printed on the page of my journal and then it all made sense:
Eliminate the negative attitude and believe you can do anything. –Mary Kay Ash
I need to eliminate those negative thoughts in my life such as “I can’t do it.”
Jack Bauer may be a modern-day Superman, and as such, does not need to eliminate anything from his life.
But I need to eliminate the negative thoughts that say, “I don’t have a voice” or “I have nothing of value to say.” And flush those thoughts away.
Goodbye Negative Thoughts!