Yes, the cancer is back.

EscapeAfter receiving a diagnosis of cancer, a mature Christian would either hit the floor with his knees and pray up a storm, or mediate on healing promises. Instead, I asked my husband to buy me ice cream, and I binged on two days worth of Jack Bauer.

While I should be going to The Secret Place of the Most High, I’ve been trying to escape from myself. (I’ve been trying to run away from myself for as long as I can remember.)

He is our refuge–our escape from the world.

Why then am I using the things of the world to try to escape the world? Not very logical, Spock.

Instead of watching two days of Amazon Prime, I could be watching two days worth of Bible Screen, or any number of Bible teachers.

I don’t feel like praying. I’m not blaming God for the cancer at all; I’m not mad at Him. My lifestyle choices are my mistakes. And it rains on everyone, the good and the evil alike.

I guess to pray would mean I’m vulnerable, and part of me is in self-protection mode: Gotta keep the walls up. Yes, that’s the flesh talking, not the spirit.

I know there are zillions of people praying for me, I can feel the prayers. So I’m acting like a four-year-old who wants to be carried even though I can walk.

There’s that old “Footprints in the Sand” picture that tells us that Jesus carries us during those times that we feel like we can’t walk…but what about the times when we decide  we just don’t want to?





19 thoughts on “Yes, the cancer is back.

  1. Oh SueAnn…I’m so sorry! But you beat it once girlfriend! You can do it again! Yes there are a lot of people praying for you and you absolutely have the right to have those feelings. Whatever the reason for this particular trial in you life, I know, YOU know, You are not alone in this. Just remember Who your source of peace is. I’m sure Jesus will not mind a piggy back ride 🙂


  2. I am taking the risk of sounding unspiritual here, but why does it have to be one or the other? If the ice cream and TV are taking the place of God, then yes, reevaluate, but if God is still the center, I don’t see anything wrong. Prayer comes in different forms, and I do believe that God uses the things we love to help heal us. Ask God to watch TV with you, invite Him to an ice cream date and share the cool comfort with you. He knows you better than anyone, Ask Him to show you where He is in those things.

    I have been in places where I have had to tell God “I don’t want to do this one; You take it.” We can talk more privately, but in short, we can be honest with God. He loves us that much, and He won’t reject us for our honesty.


  3. My wife was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin s Lymphoma in late 2012. The emotional turmoil was significant as I’m sure you know and have experienced. One of the first things I did was to dl a copy of John Piper’s Don’t Waste Your Cancer. Our goal was to view the diagnosis through God’s eyes so we studied and prayed a principle a day and then repeated. I didn’t know if I’d hold my wife’s hand to a recovery or hold it into eternity but we did know God was sovereign and he had a plan either way. Throughout the ordeal we had many a comfort food episode as she could tolerate through the chemo. It was a little reward type of thing, but in the end God must be the God of all comfort whatever which way it goes. You’ll be on our prayer list fellow blogger. You can get Piper’s book for free on the Desiring God website.


      1. It’s the type of cancer that does not have a cure per se. But on the other hand it can be subdued and made inactive and that’s where we’re at. She gets regular CATs and her doc doesn’t use maintenance chemo. So we praise The Lord for each day we’ve been given. We’re married 40 years in September. We are praying for you Sue and hope Piper’s book brings you comfort. You are precious in the sight of God who did not spare his own son but died for us that we will have eternity with him. Blessings, Bruce


  4. I’m sorry to hear this news. I know you will fight with all you have to get through it whether it is in prayer or pecan ice cream. You can visualize the cancer cells and knock them off one by one with each spoonful of yummy ice cream. Good wishes to you and much strength.


  5. I love footprints too, will be praying for you also!!

    I am sure God understands we can only process so much at a one time, retreat and regroup! If you have to with ice cream and Jack Bauer. Go for it! ~ 😊

    NIBSIH 🙏


  6. There is nothing wrong with a little ice cream or some Jack, (one of the few shows I too enjoy- I hardly watch tv). Sometimes even when we can walk, HE wants to carry us anyway…so rest in His arms. He’s got this! Praying for you, my dear sweet sister!


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