SueAnn Porter

Self-Abandonment.

When I first came across this term in the book Complex PTSD by Pete Walker, a huge light bulb lit over my head. That’s what it is– the feeling of disconnect from people, family, God, friends, and even myself.

When someone is constantly criticized, they see themselves as unloveable and at some point “detach” from themselves. They feel so unloveable, so rejected, so awful that they reject themselves.

In my opinion this is where many people wind up before they commit suicide. In their deepest place of their soul, they don’t feel love from family or friends, they are unable to connect with it. Their connector is broken, for a lack of a better word. They just want the pain to stop. Suicide is never the answer, remember!

But even well meaning people can’t understand what this person is going through. It hurts too much to explain it, so they get very skilled at smiling, saying “Everything’s fine”– because they know they will not be understood, no one can really get down there with them, and it hurts too much to put it into words.

So the Orphan Spirit also abandons himself.

Well-meaning Christians will then quote Bible verses, but the “orphan” can’t even connect with the verses, even those who have walked with Jesus many years. Sometimes listening to worship music can help, though, because music can transcend the mind, and reach the soul. Words in the head are not helpful, but a musical instrument can sometimes make a sound that can penetrate and help.

The pain inside that he is trying to disconnect from is actually a part of himself. It may help to picture it as himself as a child, or a miscellaneous child, and send love to it, decide to love his childhood self.

This time of year is tough for many people. Understanding the orphan spirit may help explain why.