Well, I have your attention now, don’t I?!
If you’re been lurking around my embellished memoir, you know that Mr. Porter has been trying to make a HUGE decision, and I have not entirely been the best help-meet that I should be.
I thought that if I left him alone, and prayed behind his back (as I often do for folks) that he would be able to make a better decision. I did not want to be like Pharaoh‘s wife in The Ten Commandments movie. Mrs. Pharaoh was rude, obnoxious and manipulative to get her own way. Though I have been convinced that Choice A is the way to go, and I did inform Mr. Porter of my choice, I haven’t really wanted to get into the discussion. I have avoided getting my hands dirty. I didn’t want the emotional entanglement of the agony of decision.
I have spent my free time watching an NCIS marathon, and eating cookies. Sure, it’s not beer or dope, but it’s mind-numbing just the same. And it’s wrong.
Over the last few days, when I have felt the Lord calling to me to come spend some time with Him, I have resisted. I thought, just one more episode of NCIS. One more cookie.
I have had times in my life when I have felt the peace and the presence of the Lord in a beautiful way. I would not be a Believer if this were not the case! How could anyone be expected to believe if there is no relationship, no reality, no peace?!
But there are also times when I still picture God as the cliche’ “tough schoolmaster” ready to hit me on the head. (My upbringing did not help with this.)
I am sometimes afraid when God calls to me, that He wants something more than just me; my time, my energy, my prayers–and I don’t have the strength to deal with it. So I avoid Him. Even with all the memorized scriptures in my head, “God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1 — I sometimes think I need to muster up the strength within myself.
I know there are times when God has woken me up to pray for someone in the middle of the night. Times He has led me to talk to someone who needed a friend. And HE has provided the strength to do it, even if I didn’t feel like it.
And reality is, we don’t always feel like it. Do you always feel like going to work? Washing the dishes? Cleaning up after the dog?
Why should I avoid talking to God because I don’t feel like it? I feel like it when I want Him to do something for me! Selfish, eh?
And so dear readers, I know some of you are fellow believers. So please beam me up a prayer that I will renew my mind on this issue, and do the right thing.
For my other dear readers, who are not believers, thank you for reading. And yes, I do pray for you behind your back. 😉
6 thoughts on “I’ve been a very naughty girl”
Praying for God to give you the energy you need to do what he is calling you to do! 🙂
I understand completely! Been there….wait…AM there…*sigh* My “numbing” choice is TV. It is my greatest vice! I literally have hours of programs on my DVR (just in case). There are my first loves like you NCIS and NCIS:Los Angeles but I have tried to tone down things I had been watching that are no good spiritually for me and I feel relief. I shall keep you in my prayers for renewing of spirit and strength to let Him guide you 🙂
Thank you Courtney. Sometimes I just want to “check out” because it’s just too painful/confusing/uncomfortable. TV numbs me. But that’s not the way I am supposed to live, is it. Thank you for your prayers, I appreciate it!
Praying for you sweet sister. I too have been ‘Jonah’. Do not be afraid to trust in the work He has planned for you, no matter how big or small. When you know you called by Him, get up and watch him move through you. He will surprise you, you will be awed…I’m sure!