…And sometimes it’s NOT Merry

Alone-at-ChristmasBeing alone during Christmastime is excruciating. I know– I’ve been there.

Television shows and commercials bombarded the airwaves with actors whose shiny smiles drove stakes into my heart to remind me that was alone. Very alone.

I tried going out in public just to be among other humans– but it made it worse. Every store, every restaurant was heavily decorated with “Merry Christmas” everywhere. Glittering tinsel of all colors stabbed my eyes. Holding back the tears was impossible.

The endless Christmas muzak pumped into the stores and on every radio station mocked me as it taunted, “Have a holly jolly Christmas.”

As someone without a spouse/significant other/family to be with on Christmas Day, I felt inferior, like a reject from a factory. As the rest of the world went about its way, eating, drinking, laughing, visiting—I was trying to find enough vhs movie tapes so I could drown out the rest of the world.

Other families are in pain because they have lost a loved one: a child, a friend, a parent, and the hole in their heart makes living painful.

I understand why people commit suicide this time of year. By the Grace of God I have never tried that, but I do know the agony in the soul that makes a person contemplate it. The contrast between “Happy Holidays” and the loneliness of the soul is at its most extreme in December. The darkness, long nights and cold don’t help either.

So if there is anyone out there feeling like crap because of the overblown holiday season that is sitting upon us, PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  It’s only a few more days and then it’s over. Leave a comment or email me at SueAnnPorter@yahoo.com.

Many people are not merry this time of year, and it’s okay. We are still valuable and we still matter.

6 thoughts on “…And sometimes it’s NOT Merry

  1. I love Xmas, after a horrible divorce it has lost it’s magic. My ex thinks it’s a commercialized competition. I don’t play one up man ship over a family holiday which is actually a spiritual celebration. He can play alone, with materialistic bratty kids. I rather go to the movies.


  2. I think being married and lonely on Christmas is worse than being alone. I spend most holidays alone now, but I really don’t have an issue with being alone. I can find people to be with if I need to, but I’m happy just being with myself. You will get there eventually!


    1. I know what you mean about being married and alone, sometimes that is worse than being alone, that’s for sure. I do like my alone time but somehow at Christmas it’s just uncomfortable. Thanks for visiting, cocoabean.


  3. Christmas is a time of memories and often those are of people no longer with us. My mother’s birthday was Christmas Day and my Pappy died on Christmas Eve so often it’s not the happiest time for me. His year losing my job has added to the sadness but, as you say, it will soon be a brand new year. From endings come new beginnings. I’m holding that thought 🙂 Merry Christmas


    1. Hi Marie, Merry Christmas to you too. I think of people I’ve lost too, and I seem to miss them more at this time of year.

      I wish you the best in your job search. Here’s to a great 2014!!


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