Television shows and commercials bombarded the airwaves with actors whose shiny smiles drove stakes into my heart to remind me that was alone. Very alone.
I tried going out in public just to be among other humans– but it made it worse. Every store, every restaurant was heavily decorated with “Merry Christmas” everywhere. Glittering tinsel of all colors stabbed my eyes. Holding back the tears was impossible.
The endless Christmas muzak pumped into the stores and on every radio station mocked me as it taunted, “Have a holly jolly Christmas.”
As someone without a spouse/significant other/family to be with on Christmas Day, I felt inferior, like a reject from a factory. As the rest of the world went about its way, eating, drinking, laughing, visiting—I was trying to find enough vhs movie tapes so I could drown out the rest of the world.
Other families are in pain because they have lost a loved one: a child, a friend, a parent, and the hole in their heart makes living painful.
I understand why people commit suicide this time of year. By the Grace of God I have never tried that, but I do know the agony in the soul that makes a person contemplate it. The contrast between “Happy Holidays” and the loneliness of the soul is at its most extreme in December. The darkness, long nights and cold don’t help either.
So if there is anyone out there feeling like crap because of the overblown holiday season that is sitting upon us, PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It’s only a few more days and then it’s over. Leave a comment or email me at SueAnnPorter@yahoo.com.
Many people are not merry this time of year, and it’s okay. We are still valuable and we still matter.