Winter is always tough for me. I dislike being cold, obviously; it’s so much fuss to put on layers of clothes just to go to the mailbox or take Bailey outside.
I try to keep myself busy of course. There’s always things to do, read, write, nap, watch movies (isn’t winter a great time to drink tea and read a book without feeling guilty that you’re not “doing anything”?)
A disappointment on Saturday led to a deep depression on Sunday. I am still learning how to process disappointment–it makes me slide downhill. (Work in progress, anyone?)
My bible study group is reading A. W. Tozer’s The Pursuit of God. Long story short, Tozer affirms that God wants us to push in harder, to find Him, to hear from him, to press in during prayer time.
But let’s face it, Fellow Humans, sometimes we just can’t.
Yesterday at church, there were songs of God’s kindness, goodness and love. It sounds dumb, but sometimes I forget this. When things are difficult, when I’m in pain, when someone is sick, I confess I forget God is good. The situation is agonizing, and the pain is so deep that I forget there is goodness to be found.
Thankfully for all the scriptures that tell us “Rejoice in the Lord”, there are just as many that tell us to call out to God in our distress, and he will hear us.
As we have weather seasons: mowing lawn in the summer, and shoveling snow in the winter, we also walk through seasons with the Lord. Sometimes we rejoice; sometimes we just can’t.
Out of my distress, I called on the Lord, the Lord answered me and set me free. –Psalms 118:5
Last night, I just honestly told the Lord: I can’t push closer to you, would you please come closer to me?
He answered my prayer. I felt His presence with me, and it took most of the pain away. There was just a tiny bit left, like a paper cut, to remind me that I am loved and cared for, even when I don’t feel it, or feel worth it.
I can’t be the only human that struggles with this, can I?
2 thoughts on “I fell into a deep depression…”
No, I’m sure you are not the only one. Remember to give yourself some pats on the back. You are going through a lot right now and you do need to allow yourself to “wallow” once in awhile.
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Thanks 67. Seems like there is always a lot going on! I am learning to be kinder to myself.