I did not know that brain dump was the technical term; I did not know it had a name until recently. When I scribbled emotions into my notebook, or banged them into the keyboard, I thought I was merely digesting the day’s events. I have trouble putting words to emotions with my speech, so I turn to paper and pen—sometimes writing words, sometimes doodling.
Daily life has become so complicated; wars and rumors of wars abound, there are earthquakes in various places, financial markets are in a constant state of flux. It is more than a mere human can handle just to get through the day.
Then there are the personal issues we deal with: family, friends, jobs, budgets, home and car maintenance. Personally, I’m also dealing with a cancer diagnosis, as are zillions of other people.
We know that our food supply is altered with GMOs. Traditional farmers are being marginalized in favor of factory farms.
Then there’s the dealing with other people. Ugh.
Yesterday, I was overcome with anger. This is part of what I wrote:
Anger is the scariest of my emotions, probably because I was not allowed to be angry when I was a child, and if I showed any evidence of anger, I would be punished for it. I was taught to stuff it down, deny it, paste on a smile and go on my way. I never learned how to express anger in words; it’s just this mass of electrons floating around inside of me, clouds of nameless fog. This has lead to decades of depression, eating disorders, and stress.
I get mad because people watch CNN and get brainwashed.
I get mad because people watch FOX and get brainwashed.
I get mad because people watch MSNBC and then decide to fight each other about what they learned on CNN or FOX.
I get mad because people don’t really understand what is going on in the middle east, and I have trouble spitting the words out.
I stewed in my anger for a while. Anger can be used for good–if it’s channeled into changing a situation for the better. Most of us are not taught that as children, and so we become angry adults, flipping birds to drivers who cut us off in traffic, as if it were the most important thing in the world.
After I expressed my anger in chopped up pieces, stewed in it, and allowed it to come to a boil, it was done. Just like cooking a soup. Finished. I put it aside.
I moved on to other things. [I am having Downton Abbey withdrawals, so I am finding other similar shows by the BBC and watching them…I recently finished watching “The Grand” which is about a hotel in 1920’s England.]
I did a Google search for “brain dump” and was glad to find there are zillions of pictures and blogs on the subject. I’m late to the party on this one it seems, but at least I finally showed up.
And so, today’s brain dump does not go into the notebook, but into my blog. The invention of the blog being the medium for which it became okay to have a daily brain dump, and to share it with the known universe.