Yesterday I posted quotes about candles, letting your light shine. One quote was from Mitch Hedberg: I wanted to buy a candle holder but the store didn’t have one, so I bought a cake. –Mitch Hedberg I had never heard of him before, and then coincidentally* I saw another quote from him today on … More I bought a $7 pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring. –Mitch Hedberg
That woman there, in the hat—is she waving at you? At me? Adjusting her hat? Giving you the finger? Giving ME the finger? I wish you would be more clear about what she means, unless of course, you don’t know yourself. … More Monet, I hate you.
Today’s the kind of day when the snot in your nose freezes when you take your first breath outside. So you wrap a scarf around your neck and mouth and breathe through your mouth, not minding too much the taste of polyester, or the fear of breathing in one of those little balls of fabric … More Breaking News: Winter is cold
Any car salesman knows that once the customer has walked off the lot, he’s lost the sale. A savvy car buyer knows: always be ready to walk away. I did not realize that my best negotiating skills were necessary to maneuver through the process of mastectomy and breast reconstruction surgery. I was diagnosed with breast … More Am I having a mastectomy or buying a used car?
I couldn’t help laughing at Bailey today when I saw him voluntarily putting his head between the two couches. I guess he hasn’t run out of silly ideas yet. Here is the side view: I don’t know how he comes us with these positions.
Remember when comedy was funny, and didn’t have to use swear words? Yes, it was a million years ago. This is a picture of one of my favorite coffee mugs. It’s HUGE, so it’s like 2 cups of coffee in one, and it has caricatures of Abbott and Costello, which always makes me smile. … More A look back at the comedy of Abbott and Costello
Alone? Look on the bright side.